Love/Hate Relationship

I have a love hate relationship with my home town.

I love being in area where I'm close to my family and friends. I hate being in an area where its artificialness is the main driving point of the city.

I went down to LA this past weekend to spend some quality time with my family and friends. If it wasn't for my family and friends still there, I probably wouldn't visit. The environment that is LA was one of the forces of why I wasn't happy there. I was surrounded by negative energy that it made an impact on my outlooks towards life.

The move back to Northern California has been the best thing for my personal growth since I get to rediscover everything that I've missed. I've forgotten what it's like to sit by an empty beach. Or hiking through the redwoods and smelling the crisp air. Missing breakfast at Brazil's in Santa Cruz so deciding to drive there early on a Saturday morning. Driving an hour out of town to spend the day in Golden Gate park or drive two hours out of town to enjoy Sonoma (we still haven't made it to Napa and really need too, it's all about watching the sunrise in a hot air balloon while enjoying delectable wine).

Anyway, this weekend getaway has affirmed my "hate" relationship with the city and the encounters that I had of why I don't miss it:

• Bathroom attendants. I don't understand why someone needs to hand me a paper towel after I use the toilet. I don't see why I have to feel guilty when I don't tip them. Why do restaurants and bars feel the need to staff their restrooms with paper towel handlers?

• Pollution. To wake up early on a Saturday morning and to see the haze that lingers throughout the city.

• Traffic. I think that Silicon Valley drivers are worse but the traffic in LA is worse.

• Valet Parking. Why can't I go anywhere without having to pay $7 (not including tip) to have someone park my car 50 feet in front of me?

• Pretentious atmospheres. I enjoy my evenings out for a lovely drink at a bar and having wonderful conversations with old friends. I don't like having to shout over the loud music and drunk people elbowing you to get out of their way from their dance party.

These were just some things that made me frustrated this weekend. I also understand that these elements are not only limited to Los Angeles but I also face them here in the Bay Area but since I'm still in discovering mode, I like being able to brush it off.

Now I can't just have my rambling writing be full of all this negative stuff because I really did have a wonderful weekend! So the things that I loved from this weekend were:

• Spending time with my family. My sister and dad are proud owners of Yahama and Triumph motorcycles so Saturday, we all geared up (including my mom) and went bike riding through the canyons. I spent quality one on one time with Mai. Shared a lovely dinner with my mom. And did something that I haven't done in five years: went to church with my parents! Mai and I have developed an aversion to organized religion since we were old enough to fully understand it and have chosen not to go for some time now. However this weekend, we both felt that it might be nice to make the sacrifice of the additional 2 hours of sleep and attend with our parents. They didn't really say anything about it, but you could tell that they were happy that we were there as a family. Sometimes, you just have to do these things.

• Spending time with my friends. Every time I head down, I have to stagger visits with my friends because it's too hard to see everyone. Usually, it's an evening with 8 old friends and we all sit around and have drunken conversations. This time, I spent my Friday evening with an old friend who I haven't sat down one on one with for about ten years. It was the most incredible evening full of life stories, our futures, our past, our desires, our lives. Having this personal night with him made me realize that I need to take more time out to spend just one on one with my loved ones. I have forgotten how important it is to connect with the people in your life that shape you and love you unconditionally as a friend.

• Spending time with kids. I am still friends with my ex's family and was able to squeeze in some time with their two kids, a five year old boy and a two year old girl. Being in the presence of kids makes me happy because I love watching them experience the world for the first time.

• Looking at old photos. We all went to our Aunt's house who we rarely see and she showed us old photos of my mother's family when they were young. Seeing the photos of my mother and Aunt in their early twenties made me a little emotional. They survived the struggles of the Vietnam War so there are not too many photos of their past life. To see the smiles on their young faces, their youthfulness and innocence before the war made me give her extra big hugs and kisses this weekend.

It's just the beginning of a wonderful Spring/Summer and I look forward to all the other adventures that are already planned. It's been too long since I've seen Crystal and Laura that I am already full of giddiness to know that right around the corner, we will be enjoying beer/wine, food. laughs and love in Barcelona. Marijn is stepping up to the challenge of coming with me to Prescott, Arizona so we can spend 4th of July with my Grandparents. The old high school group will all be traveling to Chicago to watch another tie the knot. And these are just the confirmed trips, there are going to be more weekend adventures and I'm just going to enjoy every moment of finally being, truly happy!

• our family portrait •